and today was filled with them. It was a mostly uneventful day aside from the high emotions of it. I broke down today, but not over Alyssa’s birthday. Just over the attempt to juggle and get every thing in order. Finally, the day wound up better off when I said “forget it” and just let it go how it was supposed to… not necessarily how I wanted it to. The sewing area is still a mess, orders still need to be filled, etc…but we had a relaxing evening. At any rate… back to the beginning… or the lasts as it were…
We had her final early intervention appointments today. We saw assistive technologies, physical therapy, and her service coordinator. It was hard. I must have said 100 times in my head “this is not goodbye” because I know darn well I can drive down there with my little girl and see them if I need to. We were so blessed with every person that we encountered through early intervention. They embraced us for who we are. They put up with my sarcasm (and *gasp* even joined in sometimes 😉 ). The loved my daughter for exactly who she is. Can you ask for more than that? It is such a wonderful thing to have people surround your daughter (and your family) that rejoice just as you do about what seem to be “small” things. Clapping in complete rejoice as she babbles. Fighting back tears as she helps the parachute go up and down in play group for the first time from her wheelchair. Overall, they helped me to not forget that the little things add up to the big things. You can’t learn to walk before you learn to stand, you can’t learn to talk before you learn to make a sound, and you can’t take any of it for granted. I am so grateful that they were all there as a reminder.
Alyssa’s picture hangs on the wall at early intervention to show how one of the assistive tech devices works. They asked today if they could leave it up. Of course! I love that my sweet girl’s smile will keep the hall lit up. I love that she’ll still be “with them” in a way. They also brought her a birthday present. Quite a comical one at that. They know full well I struggle with toys that make noise and I was pretty excited to hand a pile of them back… ha! Well, Alyssa now has an adorable toy that makes a ton of noise. However, I do have to admit that it is a pretty awesome toy. They also got her a ton of little hair things so that she can have her new haircut all ‘done up.’ It was awesome to have a few good laughs during our lasts appointments. It made the “lasts” of today a bit easier to bear. Like I kept telling myself “It isn’t goodbye.” Even Alyssa wouldn’t wave as they left today. She clenched her hands tight to one another as they waved enthusiastically. She wasn’t ready to say goodbye either.
She is however ready for the next chapter. She is ready for school. She is going to love it. We just had to wrap up the lasts of the lasts and get to the firsts. She’s got a lot of firsts coming. I’m so grateful for this last week. I’m so grateful for all of the healing and soul searching I have done. It wasn’t easy. At all. For me… and most certainly for Neil… God bless him. Seriously. This week was one of the biggest roller coasters I’ve ridden in a while, but as I sit an hour away from her third birthday? I’m ready. I’m ready for it…or as ready as I’ll ever be. She’s so full of light and love…I can’t wait to see what she conquers this year. It’s going to be great 🙂 I’m going to have a THREE-YEAR-OLD. Holy guacamole!