It’s not something we are supposed to do blindly or idly. At least, I don’t feel it is. Certainly there are things that He has planned for us that we simply don’t get to have a say in. Example A: My beautiful daughter. However, I think more often than not the old saying “Nothing worth fighting for comes easy.” comes into play. There are times that I feel that God puts things in our lives to challenge us and make us become better people. Example A: My beautiful daughter. LOL. The struggles that we face are capable of creating a version of self that we otherwise may have never met. I have been very blessed by family and friends throughout the years but that’s not to say that everything has been easy. There are days in my past that a part of me wants to delete, but the better part of me knows I wouldn’t be who I am today without them. I do truly believe that our darkest days can create some of the brightest parts of us.
Now, what defines a hard day or a challenging day? I think that there are the obvious days… the day you find out your child has a lifelong diagnosis, the day that you discover you need to order a helmet for your child for her own general safety, etc. However, then there are the sneaky hard days. The ones that blind-side you with the tiniest bit of info that sends you into a tailspin you never saw coming. Today? Was one of those days. I got Alyssa’s class assignment in the mail and they have assigned her to a different school…with a different teacher. I know, I know…kids switch schools. I know we’d all adjust to the switch. I know she’ll find a way to thrive in any environment. However, I spent the better part of the afternoon sobbing about it. Why? Not because I think that this new school would be BAD. I mean, after all… she wound up at a different school than I’d hoped in the beginning and we all know how smashingly that worked out. No, I cried because for once in my child’s life I was GIDDY about a first day. I had not a single worry about day 1 of school. I knew that she’d go solo, she’d be surrounded by people who knew her and all that knowing her entails, and she’d get her first bit of being a “typical” first day kid! (By that I mean not having her mommy in tow… not going to the same school with the same teacher 😉 ) Couple that with the fact that the whole school already knows her. There was not going to be any explanation. None. Sure, there’d be updates and such, but the long detailed medical jargony bullsh!t wouldn’t even have to be dealt with. Finally, and perhaps most importantly, I already trust the entire staff of the school. It’s the little things you don’t think about. It’s the knowing how to strap her properly into her wheelchair, knowing her fine motor abilities, reading her nonverbal cues, etc etc. It was the fact that she would be in a situation where a large part of her was already comfortable and all of me was excited instead of apprehensive.
Now, I could just chalk it up to “letting the cards fall’ but I don’t think this is a situation where that is an acceptable response. I know that the school district put her at the new school because it is a couple of miles closer. I’m still hopeful that with a few phone calls we can get her back to the other school. Now, if I try and she winds up at the new school I will know it is meant to be, I will cope, I will once again explain my daughter, and everything will be fine. If everything is NOT fine then there is always the option to pull her from school. Either way, I know that Neil and I will work together to continually provide her with the best level of care she can get. Right now? I truly believe that means getting her back to her old school where everyone already knows what is going on. Also, we’ve started physical, occupational, and speech therapies outside of school. I know that no matter what this will be an amazing year for Alyssa. However, I am still hopeful that it will be spent at the school she attended last year. So… I’ll try my best to make it happen 🙂
I went through the full range of emotion about it today and I think I have reached acceptance. I will accept that if she doesn’t go to that school that God has a plan for her at the new one. I did it last February and I can do it again. I am so grateful for the people we met from the last time that the decision was taken out of my hands… perhaps this will play out the same. Yet, the greedy part of me wants my “easy” start to the school year. So, I will hold on to the hope of it working out. No sense in ruining a weekend over something that may be an easy fix with a phone call and some paperwork. I’ll put my faith in God that if it is meant to be it will be… somehow that hasn’t failed me yet 🙂